I am fat, and I don’t feel good about myself for it.

I’m 5’5” and 193lbs, which puts me at a BMI of 32. I wear (depending on the brand) a size 16-18 dress size, which means I have to shop in the “Plus Sized” department. I have been this size for awhile, and I’m less comfortable with it now that I’m constantly told to be comfortable with it than I ever was.


Sitting in my car listening to “All About That Bass” isn’t uplifting to me, because I still get tired walking up and down stairs at a quick pace. Seeing the surge of plus-sized models appear doesn’t make me feel better about my knees and back aching while doing housework. Hearing people say, “Oh, we don’t use the ‘F’ word here” doesn’t make me FEEL any less fat, because let’s be honest here, that’s exactly what has grown around my muscles and impedes my health.

The more I’m reminded to be comfortable with my love handles and my chunky butt, the more I’m actually faced with the fact that I do, in fact, have those things. But, that’s just me personally. There are plenty of people out there that are embracing the fact that they’re overweight. While it is good to be confident in yourself, I think it’s a very dangerous path to be on to tell people to love themselves, even if they will suffer for it.

It’s not about looks. It’s about health.

No, I’m not morbidly obese, but I do have issues because of my weight. I’m not down on myself for the way I LOOK, it’s the way I FEEL. No, I’m never going to be a size 2, and if I were, I would probably be anorexic at that point. But, there are ladies out there who are size 2 and perfectly healthy. There are also women who wear a size 16 who can run a 5k.

Call me brainwashed if you will, but this whole movement of loving the way you look no matter what is hurting us. Sure, you may be big and beautiful, and I love your positive attitude, but are you healthy? Because I’m not. I am not a healthy person.

I don’t eat right or exercise, so I suffer from a screwed up metabolism and a lack of nutrients. This shows up in everything from circles under my eyes, to dry skin, to the pockets of fat around my thighs. And those are just the obvious outer visual cues. I get shortness of breath, my joints ache, and if I squat for too long it feels like I cut off circulation to my legs. These are all symptoms of being unhealthy that I’ve lived with for years, but I’ve had enough.

So, here’s the challenge.

I’m a gamer, so one of the things I most enjoy doing is one of the worst things that you can do to your body — sitting for extended periods.

I know there are others like me out there. Those who don’t exactly buy into the “every body is beautiful” thing. Those who know the consequences of staying overweight for too long – diabetes, heart disease, blood clots, stroke, sleep apnea – the list goes on, and most of these things can kill you.

I don’t want to die early. I have a lot to live for. And though I may only get to a size 12, I don’t care about that. I need to be able to play games with my kids outside for more than five minutes before taking a break. I want to be able to run a marathon for a charity. I just want to feel good about myself. It doesn’t matter what size I end up, as long as I can live my life the way it was meant to be lived.

Lastly, I want you to join me. If you’re unhappy about your health, whether you’re a size 4 or a size 24, let’s do something about it. Just one little change can make a big difference. Switch out soda for water. Do ten sit ups a day. Break into an entire exercise regimen if you want. Just DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT to help yourself become healthier.

I’ll be updating with my progress. I’ll need support. And if you join me, I’ll support you too. Because it’s not our size that matters, it’s our health. Everyone deserves to live their life to the fullest.

Twitter: @Myssiing Instagram: @Myssiing


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